Faith is what keeps everyone going. Without faith, none of us would have the motivation to do anything, because we all look forward to something, right? I feel like the last few days have been something close to a godsend, a message; telling me to look over what I have, and appreciate it.

I’ve always looked at loving someone in the same way over the years, under the saying “If you love too much, the fire will burn out. If you love too little, the fire will never spread. If you love just right, you’ll end up with a fire that will burn for eternity.” But I finally realized that looking at it in this way is wrong. Just loving someone for who they are, for their heart all in all, is better than trying to measure the amount of love you’re giving out. Receiving that same feeling back should be enough fuel for the fire, for the rest of time.

This endeavor I’ve casted myself on for nearly a year now has been worth it. Every single day, through the good and the not so good.

Keep faith in what you believe in. In the end, you won’t be disappointed. And if things don’t go the way you wanted; you can tell yourself “Hey, at least I tried my very best, right? It’s probably best anyways.”

Faith and trust, always.

I haven’t posted in a while. I’m sorry about that. 

It’s another one of those nights where I’m unable to sleep. Or much rather, my mind is roaming freely yet again, and I can’t contain it.

friend noun - A person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations.

Over the last few days, it’s struck me.. “What is a real friend?”, “Who do I consider to be a real friend?”, or better yet, “How far would this ‘friend’ go for me?”. I hate people that come in my life and expect me to maintain the relationship. If someone doesn’t make the effort to say hi at least once in a while, then why even be “friends” at all, right? I’m grateful for those that do take the effort to say hi every once in a while, even if it means going out of their way to do so. Maybe I should stop holding hands? Maybe. We’ll see.

I hate how there’s only 24 hours in a day. I need more time to spend with people, more time to sleep, especially more time with you. I’m just glad for once, I can say (almost) everything is alright.

Wag mong sabihin nag-iisa ka. Laging isipin meron kang kasama. Narito ako~

Maybe it’s completely my fault for things to be as they are now. I guess I’m just ignorant as the next person when it comes to feelings. I didn’t realize that things could end up as they are now.

Humans really are selfish beings by nature, and I guess I’m just one of the humans in that category. I don’t know how to express how sorrowful I am right about now. I know I overstep my boundaries when it comes to friendship sometimes, but it’s in the greater good, or at least I would like to think so. But I think it’s in my own power to fix things since no one else seems to want to. God, I wish someone would just tell me if what I’m doing is right or not. I always emphasize on faith and trust, but I’m starting to doubt my own judgement.

I’m afraid of losing you, the both of you, but on top of that.. I’m afraid of losing a friend. I’m going to do my absolute best to keep this together, and to make it stronger. I just hope I have the resolve within myself to do so.

Faith and trust, always.

I really do miss the clear skies in the Philippines. Or even the skies I saw in Washington when I went up to visit my godparents a few years back. Living in such an urban environment has a clear effect in the sky, in my lifestyle, in my life in total.

The past few days have made me think about my past and my ways now in the present.. I noticed how easily I make friends around me, but in turn, I feel unable to trust anyone past a certain extent. It made me realize how truly lonely I feel here in this world, how shallow everyone really is, and how ignorant our society is becoming.

Time and time again, I find that certain individual that seems to understand me just perfectly. Someone who’s able to read my emotions, knows the way I think, all because he/she thinks/acts exactly the same way as I would. Ultimately, I feel like I should cherish this person in my life; to not let go and to keep this person by my side forever. But I feel as though I’m too paranoid in my own mind to have someone so beneficial in my life. I feel like I’ll eventually end up hurting these cherished people in my life. I’m usually not a negative thinker, but I can’t help but to think this way when it comes to this subject.

I really hope I’m wrong this time. I really do. I’m tired of feeling so alone. This superficial feeling of having so many “friends” around me is starting to get to me. I mean, no offense to my friends now, I just really don’t know how to explain this feeling without seeming so blunt. I hope you guys understand.

The dark only gets more intense before the light.